Unborn child, need help to prepare to fight for custody. Father UNFIT! HELP!?
How do i prepare for court custody battle properly?
I am 7 months pregnant. The father whom i lived with in northern california, is the father of a 4 year old boy. I have since moved to southern california to be near my family and friends for support. He is very neglectful of this child, (wont brush childs teeth for days on end, lets child sleep for weeks in urine sheets/blankets, has partys with drugs/alcohol while child is in the other room sleeping) My concern is how can i prove this is going on? I DO NOT want my unborn child to EVER be exposed to this environment when he is born. I do not have any personal bad feelings towards him, i just worry about whats in my childs best interest. What steps can i take now to be prepared for when my son is born? The father is already claiming that he can make me move back to northern cali which i know is untrue. But the threats and e mails will not stop. I am at my wits end and scared to death. He claims tht i HIT him in front of his son, Which is untue. He is an alcoholic with 2 DUI's and openly admits to using marijuanna. Plus i have pictures of all of his bongs/pipres etc. taht were in his home as well as where they are located in the home. I need help...
2 days ago
I cant afford a lawyer. I have printed all e mails sent and have my phone with all text messages. I have pictures of his paraphanalia only, not him USING drugs. Plus i emailed his sons mohter telling her everything i saw going on in his home. She admitted to me that she has givin him food and money just so she can feel OK about leaving her son there. Apparently the other things i mentioned didnt matter to her at all. She is an alcoholic too. I feel lost because i know i need a lawyer and cant afford one. I am on state assistance and they are opening a child support case and will have to establish paternity. Which will in turn leave the door open for the custody, visitation issue. Im scared to death...
2 days ago
yes i picked him, but i was only with him for 5 months. After i saw the kind of preson he was, i got out of that environment myself. I had a lapse in judgement in trusting him. You know what they say about hindsight!!
Keep a daily diary of his actions and your concerns. BE SPECIFIC, with times, days/dates. Log into this journal EVERY time you encounter a conversation, message, email, phone call....
An accurate and timely journal, backed by fact and witnesses will be your best ally.
Keep your nose clean, and be certain that you are not among individuals who may smear YOUR reputation.
Contact a support group. They can REALLY help you. Your phone book will have the info. in the very front (gov't pages) or call info, or use your computer like your doing now to find a local support group/and and online one as well. Get all the help that you can.
Abort the child, then no one gets it.
My dads a lawyer... from what I know about his stuff it is WAY more common for a mother to get custody of the child. ESPECIALLY with his 2 DUIs and the pictures you have, I think you will be fine. I hope it all works out!
p.s-If you want me to I can ask my dad. just email me!
See your states attorney for help in prosecuting him for the threats and emails. Then contact a legal aid program for free legal advice. The local bar association will know how to find one.
It sounds like you are trying to do everything you can to hurt the father's reputation. Grow up! The kid needs both of you and its selfish for you to try and take the kid's father away from it. I seriously hope the father sues you so he can get full custody. I feel sorry for your kid that will have such a selfish brat of a mother!
Do you think all the drug paraphenalia is still around his place. You could and probably should report him to child abuse services. You might be asked why you didn't report him when you knew he did drugs around his son. Contact Legal Aid too for help with a lawyer.
You may consider contacting child protective services on the situation with the 4 year old. Also check with social services or the bar association there to see if they have lawyers that will work for free. As far as his threatening e-mails, change yours so he can't contact you. Make sure you don't give the new one to anyone who may pass it on to him. He sounds like a real jerk! Good Luck to you.
You're not married to him, so it should make things easier. Get a lawyer w/e you can afford him/her or not, you can't do this alone. Make the sperm donor ( I won't call him the dad) sign over his legal rights or you'll f up his life and call CPS and have the kids he now has taken away. Don't put his name on the birth certificate. Don't move back anywhere near him. Call the police and get them to make him stop sending you stalker email etc. Get an order of restraint against him which includes email etcc etc. Good luck.
Fight For Your Rights.
You can represent yourself in a court of law, but I would only suggest that if that is one of your last options.
Abortion is not the answer, because statistically, women are worse off after having an abortion, both physically, and mentally.
You should gather as much evidence (pictures, messages, notes) as you have, try and get a few witnesses to make a statement. This will bolster your defense. Bring up his 2 Dui's and his threatening nature. In most cases, the custody of a child is given over to the Mother, so try not to worry too much.
don't worry when u go to court the state will provide u with a lawyer at no cost. show the judge the pictures of the pipe, get witnesses,use the emails and text messeges in court against him. email me at Abraham_cabrera2002@yahoo.com ... god bless u
Don't listen to the jerk who said abort it(at 7 months) Lets hope he doesn't reproduce. Keep all the info you have gathered thus far, any other info that comes your way, see if you can get a sworn affidavit from his sons mother as to her knowledge of any of it. If you are truly concerned for your child, it should start with being concerned for the child living those conditions, call CHILD SERVICES explain what you have (emails, pics etc) tell them you are the ex your calling not as revenge but out of the health and happiness of the living child and your unborn... Don't sweat it that you can not afford a lawyer obtain state appointed lawyers or do your research gather your evidence and go into court and stand up for your child.. Good luck dear, most importantly take a deep breath relax you are 7 months prego...Take Care
First I would call child protective services on this guy to help the other child.Call the police and report him for drug use.If they don't respond keep calling and complaining about it till they do.
I feel so bad for the child who is still with him.Those kinds of people his father hangs out with cannot be trusted around children.Especially a child that isn't cared about by his father.
Do something for that little boy first.He is in terrible danger of being molested or worse by his father's druggie friends.Please do something for him.
After you've established awareness towards the conditions this man subjects his other child to it will be easier for you to establish he is unfit to be around your baby.
Did it occur to you that his little boy might find drugs and take them and over dose?Or how about him sitting on a needle and getting infected with aids?I've known people like this man and what happens to their children.I've helped take care of babies who were burned with cigarettes and had their legs and arms broken by their drugged up parents.I've been told about children who were brutally molested during a party while everyone else was getting high.Children who are traded for drugs or have to hide drugs on them for their parents.
So please help the other little boy first no matter what you have to do to save him.You might be the only person in this whole wide world who can help him.Please do something for him.
I will pray for you and I hope everything will work out OK.If you need to talk e-mail me I'm always here.
If he is out of line you can make a report to the police. Before you do this tell him to stop this kind of communication and that it is unwelcome. You can get a restraining order pretty easy without money. The friendly people at the local abuse hotline will help.
It is not clear, are you trying to get custody of his child from an earlier relationship?
If he is poor and you are poor I really think you have nothing to worry about. What is an attorney going to do? I think he has other priorities, like drinking. Stop worrying OK. Get ready to enjoy your new baby.
contact child services. report what is going on but don't tell him. if they see what is happening to the other child that will be very strong backing for your case against him. showing you have a very good support network with friends & family is also very important.
if the police have been involved with your ex in the last year that would also help you. you need to prove this bloke is an unfit father. only think about you & your child.
i dont know if US courts can demand medical records & drugs tests. dont think about him, the most important thing is that your child is safe. report what amounts to child abuse of his son.
ouch that really sucks. well what you can do is first of call child services on him for the child he already had so that child can be placed somewere he will be safe and loved. secondly. restraining order like now. then he can't call you or email you.and thats free. don't let him bully you. secondly don't let him sign the birth certificate. and don't but him on it. couse if he then wants to fight for custody he has to pay for a paterity test to prove it's his child,which is like 600$ here on the east coast. i'm not saying it's not his child, it's just so he has more holes to jump through to get to your child, and if your lucky he will give up, before he makes it to court. you then forfeit child support, which in this case might be worth it. if it does end up in court you need a lawyer, so try saveing something up now so by the time you get to court it could be a year from now, you got something to get you a good lawyer. be prepared, and file that restraining order now so it looks like this is an ongoing problem if you end up in court. good luck honey:)
You have to remember, the four year old child to him and to the mom and not to you. Even though you have concerns for the child you have to remember that you are not his parent, no matter how much love and attention that you have given to him. By law, the mom and dad have the legal authority to move the child wherever they see fit unless custody is granted to you by the courts. What you can do is report any type of harm that you have seen either the mom or dad to your local Child Protection Services. They will determine if either parent is unfit for the child and can place the child in a loving, caring home.
Since you are on state assistance in California you have a child support case open as well. Ask your child support worker or Benefits worker to see if you can claim good cause against him. There are several criteria that your child support or benefits case has to fall in to claim good cause (rape, violence, risk of harm to the individual/child, etc) however if you case does fall into that category you may not have to establish a paternity order.
Let's say that California actually obtains an order for paternity and support against dad. He will have rights o custody. He will be able to take you to court and want at least partial custody once he is named as the father by court order. At the time he asks for custody, you can petition the courts asking the courts not to grant him any physical custody based on dad's past history. If you provide proof (copies of police reports, etc) to the courts at that time the courts more than likely will not grant him physical custody, however any custody issues must be dealt with in court.
talk to a lawyer and then have it be mandatory for the father to do drug screening have if he visits the child they need to be supervised. if you fight you will win
It takes a lot of slander for you to actually prove that a father is unfit, and you're well on your way.
If you don't understand that the kid needs BOTH of you, and you don't take it upon yourself to get back together with him, then YOU are unfit to care for a child.
Father needs to be violent before you take it upon yourself to call them unfit. It's not your place to do something as mean as this.
go talk to social services. They will investigate his current living conditions.
You can't afford not to get a lawyer! Contact Legal Aid to see if they can assist you. Talk with your case worker at the state assistance office to express your concerns to see if they can refer you to someone. Document every phone conversation, save and print every email - do whatever you can to provide as much information as possible to whoever may be able to assist you.
Also show how you plan on caring for the child - what are your plans for after the baby? What are your plans to get off state assistance and provide for yourself and the child? What makes you the responsible parent in this situation? Not only do you have to show that he is unfit, it is in your best interest to present yourself as responsibly as possible.